I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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