Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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