david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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