apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
