How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
