She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
