I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
