Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
