If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
