If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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