Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
