So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
