Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
In America we eat man semen.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
