Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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