so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
