At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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