I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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