im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
