I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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