i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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