I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
