i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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