Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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