Apparently you make a good broom.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just want to make out with him forever
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
