Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
