we have officially lost it.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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