I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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