My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
