I'm lost and stupid without you.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
