Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
