But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When did angry sex become our thing?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
