so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
