You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
