I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i think i just lost a toe
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
