Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
