I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
