I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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