it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
