Umm I'm too high to move.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
