can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
