that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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