Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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