Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
