No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
