i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
