when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
