I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
