Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
