Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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