Can Purell be used as lube?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
